Kinship of Motherhood. #UseYourWords February 2015.

Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

My words are:

enterprise ~ peculiar ~ kinship ~ empathy

They were submitted by: http://eileensperpetuallybusy.blogspot.com

Thank you for such great words! 

I posted recently about the #Mommitment petition. I believe strongly in it. I found it at a time, when "Mom Wars" were the principal focus of my thoughts. To be very honest, I do not fully understand Mom Wars. I think maybe because I feel such a peculiar kinship with my fellow moms. Whether I agree with their parenting styles or not. I would be insane to expect every mom to parent their child exactly as I do. I am not sure if it is because I am able to agree to disagree, or if it is because I firmly believe in treating  others as I wish to be treated, or if it is because I have a strong ability to extend empathy to others. 

Regardless of the reason I am able to accept different parenting styles from other parents, all that matters is that I have noticed a huge problem. Far too often I see other moms and dads being ripped to shreds, simply because they state opinions on parenting that differ from the opinions of others. We are all different. We all have children that are different and unique in their own fabulous ways. We all love our children. That is what matters most. We are all in this parental enterprise together. We need to work harder at getting along and extending empathy rather than judgment. 

I do notice these Mom Wars in real life, but I witness them most frequently on Social Media. In my humble opinion, it is a form of cyber bullying. It needs to end. Who cares if a mom gives her kid baby carrots with ranch or organic carrots with homemade organic creamy balsamic dip. The child is being fed. Yes, we should all do our best to make the best choices for our children, including proper nutrition. It isn't up to us to criticize another parent's choices about what foods to provide for their children. 

Do what you feel is best for your children, and allow the other parents to do what they feel is best for their children. We are all apart of the amazing parental enterprise. We are all doing the best we can. We are all loving our children and providing for our children, to the best of our abilities. Some of us struggle more with more obstacles, and others have it easier with far fewer obstacles. That should not matter. We should all build each other up. Encourage one another. Help each other. Empathize. 

I have heard the "it takes a village" mantra for years. Back when I was a naive adult, that did not have children to raise, I remember thinking it was ridiculous. I remember thinking when I had children, I would do it all on my own. Raise them however I want. Instill in them the best attributes and bring them up to be amazing members of society. I remember thinking I would not need help. Did I mention I was naive? I totally understand it now. I get it. I wish I had a village to help me with Weewee. On days when I am sick and she is full of energy, a helping hand would be awesome. On days when I have a million things to do, and she wants to play and play and play some more, a helping hand would be awesome. Yes, I totally get it. 

We need to be each other's village. We need to be a positive impact not just on ourselves and our children, but on the parents and children around us. On those days I am sick, the last thing I need is another parent criticizing me because I am not able to be the best parent Weewee deserves that day. Trust me, being my own worst critic (as we all often are), I am already making myself feel horrible enough. What I do need is another parent to remind me I am doing my best, and maybe offer to be a member of my village. 

We need to stop destroying our villages with senseless Mom Wars. If you do not like another parent's parenting style, that is fine. Either agree to disagree, or join a different village than the one they belong to. We all have the ability to build our own village and choose who to include in our village. We do not have to include everyone in our village, just those that will help build the village we want for our families. 

Next time you witness a Mom War, please do not pour gas on it. Pour some water on it, or possibly walk away all together. The next time you disagree with another parent, rather than waging war or setting the stage for a war, agree to disagree or walk away or politely and respectfully speak your opinion. We don't want to be disrespected, and we should not disrespect others. Especially not other parents. We all know just how hard parenting is. The rewards are amazing, but we definitely earn them. 

Parenting can be scary. There is no need to make it scarier for other parents. 

So, please consider making a #Mommitment to help stop these Mom Wars that are running rampant over social media these days. Let's all work to be the best parents we can be, and remind other parents they are doing the best they can be. Let's put out into this parenting enterprise, what we would like to receive from it. 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I do not mean to force my beliefs on anyone. I just wish we could all get along- live and let live. It really isn't that difficult. 

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                                                         Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                                                    Spatulas on Parade

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                                        Stacy Sews and Schools

http://themomisodes.com                                                                               The Momisodes

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                                                                    Battered Hope

http://eileensperpetuallybusy.blogspot.com/                                    Eileen’s Perpetually Busy

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/                        Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                                                  Someone Else’s Genius  

http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/                                                           Sparkly Poetic Weirdo 

http://www.southernbellecharm.com                                                      Southern Belle Charm

http://www.JuiceboxConfession.com                                                       Juicebox Confession   

Happy Friday the 13th!! I hope you have a fabulous Friday and a wonderful weekend!!

If you feel so inclined, please visit my Facebook page and give it a like. (The Bergham's Facebook Page) I have some upcoming giveaways planned, the first of which will be a Starbucks giveaway!! I would like as many people as possible to be able to get involved! So, please spread the word to your friends! Thank you! 

If you want to join the #Mommitment and take a stand against Mom Wars, please feel free to click the picture below and sign the petition!

#Mommitment

On Facebook recently, I saw the mention of a "Mommitment" on the page "Next Life, NO Kids". Being the nosy person that I am, I immediately checked it out. I just had to know what it was about. You guys! YOU GUYS! You guys! You NEED to look into it. Do yourselves a favor, and check out the blog post. I will even make it easy for you and link it.

Right Here:

#Mommitment Post on Next Life, NO Kids

I am sure you have seen Mom Wars. You may have even participated in a few. I think Mom Wars are just a common occurrence in our society, not that they should be. Everyone has their own opinions, and everyone feels their opinions are correct. This tends to lead to judgment and often times persecution. Why? Seriously, Why?

That is what we need to be asking ourselves. Why? What purpose does it serve to judge another parent? Do we want to be judged? Nope. We may not let judgments bother us, but obviously we would prefer they not even happen. 

Why is one parent better than another? Yes, let's be honest, there are crappy parents in this world. There are also great parents and mediocre parents. At the end of the day, they all love their children. (Yes, some parents may not love their children, but that is a topic for another day... I am referring to the parents that love their children, and are doing their best).

I do not know about you, but I endeavor to be the best parent I am able to be. I know that there will always be parents that are "better" parents than I am. I know there are parents that will be "worse" parents than I am. That is life. I am sure they all love their child(ren), just as much as I love mine. 

I was not able to breastfeed Weewee. I was blessed to be able to for two weeks. I was so happy. I was doing what I thought was best for her. Unfortunately, my doctor decided it best that I stop. It was very important for me to go back on my blood thinners, and they were not safe for breastfeeding. My milk would no longer be safe for Weewee.

You guys... it killed me. I was so upset. I was angry at my body for not being able to allow me to safely breastfeed Weewee for as long as I wanted. I cried about it. I was so dreadfully sad. I pumped as much as I possibly could, so she could have as much of my milk as possible. A few weeks later, I even looked into how long the medicine remained in my milk, so I could stop taking it and breastfeed again.

I spent months kicking my own butt, for not being able to live up to the expectations I had for myself. If I am being honest, I am still disappointed. In the end, my goal was to do what was best for Weewee. Yes, breastfeeding would have been wonderful, but it was even more important I stay alive and healthy. That was what was best for her.

During that time of my life, when it came out (through me venting and me asking questions about formula) that I was not going to be breastfeeding, so many moms chastised me. Told me how they would "never, ever put nasty formula in their babies tummies". I was told by multiple moms that I should do "whatever it took" to make certain she was breastfed. All this negativity hurt me to my soul. Made me feel worse than I already did.

These moms were my friends. Some, just random mom group moms. These moms were judging me. These moms were putting me on the defensive. These moms were making me question my worth as a mom. These moms were waging war on myself, and all other moms that chose formula (for whatever reason) for their child(ren).

Why? 

I am making a #Mommitment, so that I NEVER ever make another mom feel the way those moms made me feel. 

I have always been a person that is able to agree to disagree. I fully accept that people will often have opinions that differ from my opinions. That is perfectly fine. Yes, I will stand up for what I believe in, but I won't hate you for doing the same. I think far to often we are willing to stand up strong and loud for what we believe in, and oftentimes we get upset when others do the same. Mostly, because their opinion is different than our own.

If I am being honest, as much I would love for everyone to see things the way I do, that would make for a pretty boring world. Peaceful (most likely) but definitely boring. 

What really matters most in parenthood, is loving your child and wanting the very best for them. The reality is, we will all have different ideas of what is best for our own children, and that is okay. It should be okay. As long as our children are safe, it is okay.

Breastfeed. Don't breastfeed. Use cloth diapers. Use disposable diapers. Co-sleep. Don't co-sleep. Be a helicopter parent. Don't be a helicopter parent. Cry it out. Never cry it out. Etc etc etc

I promise, that for as long as I live, as long as you love your child and keep them safe, I will never not ever wage war on you. I will not judge you. I will not talk bad of you to other moms. I will not ridicule you for making different parenting choices than I make. 

I must add, that if I see you blatantly risking your child's life, I will rescue them, and make sure the proper authorities speak with you, and do whatever is necessary to secure your child's safety. It is my responsibility as a human being, to make sure everyone around me is safe, and to seek help for anyone in danger. I would hope you would do the same for my child.

We need to stop being so hateful and judgmental. We need to support one another. We need to help build each other up, and stop trying to tear others down. We need to make the world a better place. We need to form a world wide alliance of parents, and quit forming parenting factions that war with one another.

We need to treat others respectfully, just like we would like to be treated. We need to get over ourselves. None of us are perfect. None. Together, we can help each other to be the best parent we can be. Our kids are the future, and they learn from us. We need to make sure we are teaching them all the right things. Acceptance and compassion, those are among the right things.

Chad and I are currently attending baptism classes, for preparation of Weewee being baptized. In class today, we had to write out a list of attributes we want our child to possess. To envision the adult we want to raise our children to be. Then we were encouraged to be a parent that instills those qualities into our children. I want my daughter to grow up to be a mom that will love her children unconditionally and keep them safe. I want her to be a mom that will never war with other moms over a difference in parenting styles.

I really hope that you will join me and make a #Mommitment.

Don't like another parents parenting style? That is okay. There will be parents that don't like your parenting style. We are lucky to be able to choose our friends, and the people we include in our life. Rather than waging a war on another parent, peacefully move on and parent your child(ren). Let them parent their child(ren).

Spread love, not hate. Spread acceptance, not persecution and judgment. The Golden Rule really is a thing of beauty... Do unto others as you would wish them to do unto you. It really is that easy.

Be the parent, you would want your child to be one day, to your grandchildren. Be a parent that will raise your child to be the adult you hope for them to be. 

Please, take the time to read Julie's blog post (linked above), and if you would be so kind, sign the petition and make a #Mommitment. We owe it to ourselves, and we owe it to our kids.

I just want to add.... I am not a perfect parent. I know this. I am not even half the parent I want to be. I do love Weewee. I will always love her. I will always be the absolute best mom I am able to be. I will endeavor to raise her to be the best person she can be. I see in her limitless potential, and I will do my very best to help her see it in herself. So, please do not ever think that I think I am perfect, or a better parent than anyone else. I am far from it. 

Please feel free to click on the image below, and sign the petition! Together we can end Mom Wars!