Monday, April 8, 2019

Cleaning out my Closet #BlogWithFriends

Welcome to April's Blog with Friend's Round-up. Each month, a group of bloggers choose a theme, and then create posts based on the theme. The post can be anything the blogger wants it to be. You will find any range of things, from poetry, recipes, short stories, lists, essays, DIY projects, crafts, and anything in between. There tends to be a large variety of post types, and I like to participate whenever possible.

For this month, we chose the theme Spring Cleaning. I am sure, from the title of my post, you are expecting advice on cleaning closets, or a progress report on my Spring Cleaning of my closet. Ironically, cleaning my closet is high on my to do list right now. I hope you do not end up hating me, but the title of this post is a bit of false advertising. By cleaning, I really mean rambling/venting, and by closet, I really mean my mind. Yes, I am really just going to talk about some things I have really been wanting to talk about lately.

So, for starters, I want to vent about my hair. Well, more about my hair quality, and my inability to decide what to do with my hair, and my lack of skills for styling my hair. I had a plan, and then I had a new plan, and that was followed by another plan, and now I have no plan. I wanted to keep my hair red, the bright red, and then I decided that was just too expensive of a plan. So, I actually am loving my natural hair color at the moment (even the few grays that have popped up), so I decided to just get a perm. I don't want tiny poodle curls, but big curls. This is ironic, because I had naturally curly hair, and I spent years stripping the curls out. Now, I want curls, and my hair is this weird mix of straight and wavy. So, then I chickened out about a perm, but did get a curling wand, which I have used once, and I am terrified of it. Then, as much as I love having longer hair, I am tired of all the long hairs covering everything, since my hair falls out at an alarming rate from my medicines. So, I had thought about going short again, but admittedly, I think I look better with longer hair, so I decided against a huge cut. So, here I am with terrible hair, and no plan for improving it. Sigh.

Of course, I know I need to be thankful, because at least I do have hair. I do not even have the huge bald spots I had not long ago. They have filled in. I know I need to appreciate the fact that my medicines have quit making me bald, and it has actually started growing again. So, yes, I should be thankful. I am. I just wish I had some skills, and could make it look at least halfway decent. Really, I feel bad for Gigi, because my dad never taught me hair styling skills, and so I have none to teach her. I also have no ability to give her beautiful hairstyles, and so she is really getting a bad deal. I am hoping as she gets older, and makes closer friendships, some one's mom will teach her (and possibly me) some styling skills, and then we can both have nicer hair. I realize that this is a silly thing to vent about, but well, I really want to go into Spring, and the rest of 2019, with a clean mind, and finish on a very positive note. So, I am literally cleaning out my mind, of all the things I have been bothered by.

So, something that has been bothering me, probably more than anything else, is Gigi. Not her, though we have had some battles recently, but her body. She has never really been sick. Not really sick. It is a blessing really. Of course, she has had her ear troubles, but those are beyond our control. She has never really had any super bad illnesses, until recently, and now she seems to be sick constantly. First she had the flu, and then she had a stomach bug, and then she had this weird week of tummy issues, and then this week she had tummy bug round two. Now, I find myself genuinely worried about her. I have Crohn's, and the issues she has had these last three weeks, have me worried she has Crohn's or something similar. She has been so beyond gassy (burps and toots), and it is unlike anything I have ever witnessed from a human being. She gets teased about tooting in school, and it has her feeling very down, and my heart breaks for her, but mostly I am stressed that something big is up. So, I am hoping to get her in for an appointment this next week, and hopefully we can get to the bottom of it all.

Which brings me to my next topic of upset, school absences. Between my daddy's death and illnesses, she has missed many days of school, and now I am worried she will be forced to repeat Kindergarten or do Summer School. I am really hoping for Summer School. I do not want her held back, due to bad luck. It is not her fault she needed to miss days of school, so we could handle my dad's affairs, and she had no control of her getting sick. I feel bad if her entire school career is impacted by this. So, I am hoping the school and I can come up with a solution, that does not involve her being held back, in this next week. The school year is nearly over, and I am really hoping we can finish strong. She has done so well. Of course, she could do better, and as she grows, I am hoping she does do well, and I hope she really aims for the stars. She has so much potential, and I would love to see her live up to it. Something tells me, she will do really well. I just hope she can stay on track, to finish school with her original class. If she does get held back, we will make the very most of it, and we will use it to her advantage.

Now, I do try to stay away from controversy on my blog and blog's Facebook page, because I tend to rely on my blog to be my happy space, separate from the craziness of life. I like to stay positive and upbeat, but at the same time, I pride myself on always being honest. So, as much as I have being negative, or being controversial around her, I think it is important to not keep stuff too bottled up. Recently, as most people know, I have been having some heart issues. Unfortunately, I am one who stresses with very physical consequences, and as we discovered in 2014, my heart cannot handle me stressing in big amounts. Well, lately, I have been so stressed, and my heart is showing the signs of it all. I do my best to keep myself calm, but in this world these days, it is hard to not stress. I do not live under a rock.

Watch the news for ten minutes, and you will be given so many reasons to stress and be upset. Add to that the stress that my personal life has been handing me, and you get me on the verge of a heart attack. So, I have been letting my stress out, bit by bit. Mostly I vent to Chad or Karen (Baking in a Tornado) or my friend Jessica. Well, today, you guys will get a glimpse into it as well. America's current political climate has my hairs turning gray and my blood pressure rising. I am so disgusted by it all. I am ashamed by basically everything our POTUS says. The blatant lies and incorrect "facts" he spews, are enough to make me want to scream. It is BAD BAD BAD.

Add to all that all the blatant racism I have witnessed, and you really have my stress level at beyond high heights. I do not care where you stand politically, if you are okay with these blatant acts of racism, well, you are an asshole. A disgusting, racist asshole. I have ZERO tolerance for racism. If you are a racist, kindly see yourself out. I do not want you near me, my blog, my life, my family, or even my country. Racism makes my blood boil. I am disgusted by all the racism that has been exposed in recent months. I guess it is good to know it is there, but I just wish it were not there. You would think, that we would all know better now. To think anyone is less of a person, simply because of the color of their skin, and to think they deserve to be killed or treated poorly, in inexcusable. Honestly, I just want to throat punch every racist, and send them on a one way rocket ship to the sun. Bye bye, worthless piece of crap. I hate speaking this way, but it is how I feel. We are all human beings, and we all deserve to be treated well. We do not deserve to be judged, especially not by the color of our skin. The content of our character, the beauty of our souls, the quality of our integrity... Those are the things that matter.

You know what else really upsets me?! People judging others based on who they love. It is really nobodies business. Honestly, if you do not approve of some one's life choices, fine. Just choose not to include them in your life. That is a simple thing to do. What you should not do, is judge or shame people, attack or insult people, or harm people mentally/physically/emotionally. We all deserve common decency. We all deserve to live our lives in our own way, and to be equal, and to not be harmed. Nobody wants to be judged or harmed, but yet people have no problem judging and harming others. It is that golden rule.... Treat other people, the way you want them to treat you. At the end of the day, we all have to deal with the consequences of our life choices, whether they are positive or negative. That is just how it works. So, for us to feel entitled to make our own choices, but to judge and harass others based on their choices, and feeling they are not entitled to live their life as they wish, is ridiculous. You cannot have your cake, and eat it too. You cannot expect to be able to live your own life as you wish, but to deny someone else the same right, simply because you do not like the way they wish to live. Obviously, this is aimed at people who want to deny LGBTQ individuals their right to be considered equal as non-LGBTQ individuals and unworthy of the same basic rights.

I also can say the same, for people who feel women are not entitled to equality and the same rights/benefits/entitlements. Misogyny is something that is right up there with racism, bigotry, homophobia, xenophobia, liars, and sexual predators. We really need to learn to accept others, and to live and let live. It is not our job to judge other people's life choices.

Also, when our "founding fathers" founded this country, they did so for religious freedom and new opportunities. I won't go into the wrongness of America's beginnings. I will say, I am glad we have come as far as we have, but hate that we still have so far we need to go. One of the best things that was done for our country's sake, was the separation of church and state. They wanted our country's citizenry to enjoy religious freedom, but knew we needed law and order. They were also wise enough to realize, to support religious freedom, and to maintain law and order well, we needed to not have churches involved in our government. Well, people these days are all too into forcing religion into our laws/government, and it is going to do so much harm.

If you let one set of religious beliefs into our laws/government, you will need to let them all in. Every single one. Fair is fair. You cannot pick and choose. Believe me, if one gets in, and gets a place at the governmental table (so to speak), every single religion is going to want a seat at the table, and it will happen, whether peacefully or by war. There is no way all religions can peacefully and cohesively exist within a balanced and well maintained government. Our founding fathers knew this, and knew that religion had no place in our government. We deserve religious freedom. We deserve peace. We deserve law and order. We deserve a government that is run for the good of all our citizens. Not just a select few. Not just one type of religious believers. We ALL deserve it. I really hope people come to their senses, and stop trying to force their church's best interest into our laws.

Yes, I am applying this in large part to those currently trying to ban abortion. Women were dying left and right, from backyard abortions. They were dangerous and inhumane. The current system in place for abortions is as safe as possible for the women choosing them. If you ban abortion, it will only cause more women to die. If someone wants/needs an abortion, they will get it. That is just how it works. If you do not want an abortion, or do not believe in it.... Great. You will never get one. However, if someone else wants one, they should be able to safely get one. It is not up to us to make that choice for them. At the end of your life, you will not answer for their choices. They will. So, just live your life making your own choices, and let everyone else safely do the same.

I am personally pro-life. I would not choose to have an abortion. Not even to save my own life. My pregnancy with Gigi was extremely high risk, and it was largely thought I was not going to make it out alive, and it was also believed she may not either. However, I chose to give her the best chance she had, and made it very clear, if ever it came down to her or me, they were to save her. That is me. This is my life. That is my choice. I could just never choose to end my baby's life. I cannot afford another child. I could not give Gigi and Embee and another child a decent life. So, if I got pregnant today, there is no way I would keep the baby. So, would I abort the baby? No. I would put him or her up for adoption. It would kill me, but that is the choice I would make. Despite my own personal beliefs and choices, for my life, I do not feel I have the right to force my beliefs on anyone else. They deserve to make their own choices, and if they choose abortion, they deserve to be able to do it in the safest way possible. Their life, their choice, their business. End of story.

I can only hope that we make the right choices, that are best for our citizenry as a whole, and not just what is in our own best interest. I pray that separation of Church of State stays firm. I pray people come to their senses, and gets their heads our their butts. If this applies to you...So be it. Sorry, not sorry. It is the truth, as I see it. You are welcome to disagree. That is your right. That is what is so beautiful about life. We all have free will and free thought. I respect your right to think whatever you want. I do not have to agree with you. If you are racist or prejudice in any way, the chances of me agreeing with you, are slim to none, but that doesn't change the fact you are entitled to live your life your way.

Bullying has also been weighing on my mind. We all scream about how wrong bullying is, and schools boast about zero tolerance policies, and yet bullying is still happening. I imagine it probably always will. I feel like we could make a lot of improvement though, if we stood our ground against it. Schools need to REALLY have zero tolerance policies, and if a school is slacking, parents need to stand up against the bullying. I know, if I heard a kid at Gigi's school was being bullied, and the school was not combating it strongly, then I would stand with the other parents, and let the school know that zero tolerance means zero tolerance. Gigi is the biggest sweetheart, and sadly, she has been victim of some bullying behavior, but gratefully, it has always been handled well, by the school, and I have really helped Gigi cope with it. I reinforce in her, that she is perfect as she is, and the important people will love her just as she is. 

Sadly, in our world today, I even see adults bullying. Honestly, whether you want to admit it or not, the POTUS does a lot of bullying. I honestly have no idea why nobody has made him stop yet. His wife's platform is anti-bullying, particularly cyber bullying. You think she would get him to stop. Nope. He keeps on going. We really need to adopt a zero tolerance policy, and hold anyone accountable, even if it is someone we love. I definitely would never let Chad or Gigi, get away with bullying, and I would hope they would also hold me accountable. We need to be better, in so many ways, and an end to bullying would be a huge step in the right direction.

I experienced/witnessed the most abhorrent thing on Saturday, and it has also been taking up a lot of space in the closet of my mind. We had our town's Spring Festival this week, and we spent Saturday morning there, volunteering at the booth for the Foster Care program we volunteer with. It was such a lovely day. We met a lot of people, and got to see and pet some awesome dogs, and enjoy some deep fried zucchini. Overall, it was definitely a great morning. Then I went to walk over to our car, so I could bring Gigi to her painting party. 

As I was walking by a tow place around the corner from our house, and right next to where Chad was picking me up, I had the agony of overhearing a conversation between two "men", who were sitting on the sidewalk. They said some of the most heinous things I have heard, though they were oddly similar to something I once heard a politician say. (Fair warning.... The language coming up is abhorrent, and may be offensive. You may want to skip this next bit of this post) They were going on and on about how women want sex. How we are born with these pussies that crave their dicks, and how even if we play hard to get, and throw around the word no, we actually really want it. They harped on it being their duty to give us what we really want, which is our pussies to be fucked over and over by their dicks. Then they spoke at length about training pussies, and how it is best to train pussies starting when they are young. They literally spoke at length about having sex with young girls. I stood around the corner, listening, until I really wanted to go and punch them both.

I did not think that action would get me anywhere. So, I walked across the street, as Chad pulled up, and called 911. I told the dispatcher verbatim what was being said. I told her how they were literally talking about how they would have sex with children, and how if an adult woman said no, they would fuck her anyway, because she was born craving their dick. I was blown off entirely. Half a block from where these men were sitting (at the entry to the town's festival area), was the majority of the police force, just walking around and saying hello to festival goers. However, the dispatcher would not even send one of them over to get these scumbags to disperse. They were sitting at the entrance to a festival full of women and children, in the entry footpath, with women, children, and men walking by. Yet nothing was to be done, because it was totally okay for them to be talking about training children to fuck dick well. 

I mean, thinking about it now, I guess if the POTUS can discuss grabbing women by the pussy, whenever he wants, two scumbags could definitely say basically the same things, as women and children walk past. Sure. Why not? That is the world we live in eh?!

We. Need. To. Do. Better. 

We. Need. To. Be. Better.

For the sake of our future generations, we need to stop this despicable stuff NOW. We need to fight against racism. We need to fight against sexism. We need to fight against corrupt politicians. We need to fight for what is right. We need to stop bullies. We need to stop sexual predators. We need to stop labeling men as champion swimmers, in the titles of articles written about them raping women, and label them as the rapists they are. We need to do better. 

This is the stuff that is bugging me lately. This is the stuff filling up the closet of mind. This is the stuff I am holding in, and that is making me want to explode. 

This stuff is NOT okay, and we need to stand against it. 

We need to stop judging others, and start loving others. We need to be good, honest people, and we need to help our fellow humans. 

We need to realize that just as we want to live our lives however we want, that others just want the same thing. We need to stop trying to force our religion of choice into politics, and we need to stop trying to force our religious beliefs on others, through laws that are clearly in violation, of the much needed separation of church and state.

Most importantly, these people who are doing this, need to realize that if they succeed in getting their religion a seat at the political table, every single other religion will want a seat. If one is allowed in, it is only fair, that all be allowed in. After all, that is keeping with the freedom of religion, which was one of the biggest reasons for the founding of this nation. They need to acknowledge that if one religion is allowed in, they will all want their seat, and wars will be fought to see that it happens. War is never a good thing. 

We need to be better. We need to live our lives, and let others live. 

Okay. I think that is enough cleaning of my closet for now. I have so much more I could say, but I digress.

I hope you all have an amazing week!! 

***EDITED TO ADD: UPDATE. The fact that the dispatcher did not do anything about the two men, really had me upset. I ended up calling and leaving a voice mail for the Chief of Police. I explained what happened  explained the dispatcher did nothing  and requested to speak with her. I told her I feel that there must be something that can be done in these instances. I received a call back from a Sargeant yesterday. Ironically, we volunteer with him, for the Foster Care program, so we know one another. He's in charge of the dispatchers. The Chief forwarded my message to him, as she wasn't happy with hearing what happened. He then got the recording of my 911 call, and listened to it. He apologized to me. He let me know that the dispatcher was spoken to. She was informed that she had wrongly handled my call. She was then trained on how to handle future calls of that nature. He apologized that nothing had been done. He informed me  that at the bare minimum  the officer would have made them leave. He also said in some circumstances arrests could have been made. So, my faith in my town's police department was restored. I'm sad that they got away with their behavior, but I'm relieved to know, if ever I have that terrible experience again, something will be done. Honestly, I was sickened by the entire experience, so getting this progress, is really helping me process it all. ***

Do not forget to check out the rest of this month's Spring Cleaning Blog with Friends posts:

Karen of Baking In A Tornado
Lydia of Cluttered Genius
Stacy of Stacy Sews and Schools
Dawn of Spatulas On Parade
Melissa of My Heartfelt Sentiments


  1. Sometimes our minds are the most needy closets for cleaning, I'm glad you got it out.
    I did want to mention, about Gigi finishing school, that you sit down with the teacher, find out what concepts she has to grasp in order to move on and what you can do at home to fill in the gaps between that and where she is now. They should be more than willing to partner with you to help her to succeed. Good luck.

    I am right there with on those topics!!!! And seriously, I might have found myself in jail that day if I had overheard that conversation. Makes me crazy.

    As for hairstyles.... YouTube tutorials. People swear by them.

  3. Yikes. We DO need to do better as a whole. I'm sorry you weren't listened to at first, but I'm happy hat you were then given the chance to be heard and that he followed through.



Welcome to June's Blog with Friends!! Each month a theme is chosen and then participating bloggers use the theme, to create their own un...