Friday, December 19, 2014

Shoo fly, shoo!!! December Fly on the Wall

Welcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. It's a monthly blogging collaboration. Today 14 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house.


Weewee has entered into the copycat phase. She will copycat the things we say or do. It blows my mind, to think she will be 18 months old in a few short days. 

One night I had returned to the living room after my shower, and sat down. Chad reached over and squeezed my boob and made a honking noise. Weewee then started grabbing her own chest and honking. 

All the wrong things << What Chad is teaching Weewee.


Me (Trying desperately to open the lid on a new container of animal crackers): Arghhhhh!
Chad: Seriously? You can't open them?
Me: No, I am just pretending to struggle.
Chad (taking the container and opening it easily): Here you go.
Me grumpily: Thanks.
Chad: Obviously you loosened it.
Me: Damn right I did! I totally just pretended to be a damsel in distress. I need to stroke your manhood occasionally.
Chad naughtily: Yes, you do. Stroke it.
Me: Oy. You know what I meant!


Me: Give Mama a kiss. (Yes, I have to ask/beg for kisses)
Weewee: No.
Me: Gee. Attitude much.
Weewee: Kiss.
(I lean in to kiss her)
Weewee (quickly turns her head and giggles): No.


(Chad is on the phone with Embee)
Chad to Embee: What games do you play?
Me (loudly so Embee can hear): She doesn't need to be playing any games. She needs to be doing school work and studying. I need her to get a good job and buy me my house. (My house is this MASSIVELY HUGE house out in the middle of nowhere, not far from here. It is stunningly beautiful and HUGE!)
Chad: No. She doesn't need to study.
Me: Yes, she does. She needs to study, do homework, get great grades, go to college, get a great job, and buy me my house.
Chad (a bit away from the phone, so only I can hear): No. She just needs a Sugar Daddy.
Me: True. Though more like fifteen for a house like mine. Well, or just one really good one.

All the wrong things<<< What Chad is teaching Embee.


Me as I am taking my meds that Chad just reminded me to take: You know, you obviously don't want me dead. If you did, you would quit reminding me to take my pills.
Chad: You would be so easy to kill.
Me: Not too easy. I would be difficult to lift up to hang from the almond tree.
Chad: I have moved on from the almond orchard idea.
Me: Oh?
Chad: I could just quit reminding you to take your pills, or I could just bring a huge spider into the house.
Me: True. I would definitely die.
Chad: Yep. Heart attack. The spider would be gone before they came, and nobody would ever know. They would just think you had a heart attack.
Me: True. Death by spider though, that would be horrible. 
Chad: It would work though.
Me: That is probably how I will die one day. Some evil spider will scare me to death. Ugh.

(Side note... We really have no idea why I am so terrified of spiders. I have tried therapy and everything. Nothing works to relieve the fear. I recently read that your birthmarks are markers for where you had a deathly wounds in your past lives. I have a small one on my ear. I bet it was a spider bite from some evil spider, and that is the root of my fear!)


I recently was laying on the couch, watching a movie with Weewee, and watching her play. I had my arm out. She walked over, turned around, and fell backwards onto my arm. Her very first trust fall. She trusts me. In that moment, my heart exploded.


Weewee is very independent and very social. We have been working on her holding our hands while we walk. We have finally made some advancement in the area, though if you aren't going at the pace she wants, or in the direction she wants, she will let go and try to go her own way.

We were recently at Grammy's for a visit, when I reached out my hand and said "Let's go see Grammy!".

She took my hand. Walked all the way into Grammy's room, with a smile on her face, never letting go. It was great. 

Then of course she chose to follow Grammy's friend out, and had no desire to follow me.

Baby steps.


We recently discovered, while at the Christmas parade, that Weewee likes candy canes. A few of the floats were handing them out, and she loved the one we let her try. So, a few days later, Chad bought Weewee a pack of candy canes. She gets quite sticky, but her happiness is worth it.

Chad (handing Weewee a wipe): Wipe your hands and mouth.
Weewee takes the wipe and cleans her hands and mouth.
Chad: You listen so well. Now, go find me a million dollars.
Weewee wipes her face some more and looks at him like "huh?".


(This one is being included, because Chad insisted.)

I was resting in the living room. We recently have opened the kitchen up to Weewee. It is now in her territory. 
I was playing Candy Crush.
Then I hear...
Chad: You are such a sneaky sneak.
Weewee giggling.
Me: What did she do?
Chad: Got into the Dum Dums and helped herself to one. 
Weewee comes in and gets on the couch, smiling the most proud smile ever.
Me: Well, the lid should have been closed.
Chad: It was. She can open it now.
Me: The world is ending.

(After Halloween, we bought a HUGE bucket of 1000 Dum Dum lollipops on clearance. They are the perfect size for Weewee to have an occasional treat. Though, now that can apparently be whenever she is able to sneak one. Which means, only on Dad's watch. LOL)


Weewee had a short period where she started picking up her own toys. On her own. Without being asked. Plus, she did a half decent job putting them where they go.
As I am watching her do this: Houston, we are not in Kansas anymore.
She looks at me: Hoosoonn. Hooosooon. Hooosooon.
Then she giggled.
Then I giggled.


Chad took Embee and Weewee and went to Starbucks to get me an iced coffee. He then dropped something off to a friend. Our friend lives not far from Starbucks. I told him I would let him know, if our friend said then was a good time for him to drop it off. Our friend texted that it was a good time, and I called Chad and told him. I finished up washing some dishes and sat down on the couch. I thought to myself, perfect time to relax in peaceful quiet for few. About 70 seconds later, they all walked in the door.

Chad hands me my coffee.
Me: That was fast.
Chad: I guess.
Me: No line at Starbucks?
Chad: A small one.

Me: Did you go to Danette's.
Chad: Yeah.
Me: You dropped it off that quickly?
Chad: Yeah, we even chatted for a bit.

Embee: Yeah. 
Chad: Embee, even told Danette I cried during the movie.
Me: Haha.
Embee: What? He cried.
Chad: Yeah. I'll show up at your school in pajamas and visit in your classroom. See how you like embarrassment.
Embee: What?! NO!
Me: Yeah. I'll go. In jammies.
Chad and I laugh.
Me: I still cannot believe you guys did all that and made it home so quickly.
Embee: We aren't as slow as you.
Me: Touche.


Weewee has this knack for doing things she knows she is not supposed to be doing. While doing them, she will either look at you, watching to see your reaction, or she will repeat no while doing it.

She was recently reaching up and holding onto the string on the living room blinds, and staring at me.

Me: What are you doing?
Weewee smiles sweetly.
Me: What do you think I am going to say?
Weewee: Shit.
Me: Wait. What?!

(So, she has definitely said shit a few times recently. By a few, I mean a lot. We know she is saying something. Just not completely sure what. For the first two days that she said shoe, it came out as shit. Luckily, it turned to a much better pronounced shoe on the third day. We now think she is trying to say seat and it is coming out shit. So, I am on a mission to teach her chair rather than seat!)


One of my favorite times, and least favorite, is bedtime. On the nights she fights sleep horribly, I kinda hate it. Most nights, we just lay there and relax and cuddle. Maybe chat a bit. Mostly just bond.

Recently, we were laying there and we were really enjoying the peace of each other's company.

Weewee pokes my boob.
I chuckle.
Weewee pinches my boob.
Me: You will have your own someday. Then, you will be far less interested in them. 
Weewee pokes my boob.
Me: Do you like my boobs? You did when you were little. You loved them. Well, maybe you just liked my milk. You know, I am sorry I could not let you breastfeed for longer. My doctors just did not think it was a good thing. If it were up to me, you would still be sucking on Mama's boobs. I would just let you suck Mama's boobs all day. Well, at least while you were hungry.
Weewee punches my boob.
Me: Hey! Be nice! Be nice to them, be nice like you were when you were little.
Weewee: Shuck boob. Shuck boob. Mama shuck boob.
Me: Oh dear. This is going to embarrass me in public soon, isn't it!?


During a diaper change.

Weewee: Ut oh.
Me: No parent wants to hear ut oh during a diaper change. Nor when you are 16 and you snuck a pregnancy test home to take secretly. There will be no ut oh pregnancy tests! Understood? Though, I will love you through it, but don't make me have to.
Weewee just stares at me.
Me: I am so glad we had this talk.


Remember how I said Weewee repeats things? Well, when I am using expressions, I really need to make sure not to use ones that include words she knows.

Me in reaction to the outside of my cup of iced coffee: Geez. This cup is sweatier than a bear's balls.

Weewee must have walked around saying "bear balls" for twenty minutes, while carrying her bear and playing with her bouncy balls.

Another embarrassing public moment in the making.


The other night, Chad went to Costco for gas and to pick up a cheesecake. I have been craving cheesecake for two years, and I decided it was time for me to indulge.

After he walked in the door.

Chad: Weewee, tell Mama your new word.
Me excitedly: New word?!
Chad: Yeah.
Me a little less excited: Wait. I missed a new word. I wasn't there. Weewee, tell Mama your new word.
Chad: Say it.
Me: Well? What is it?
Chad: Wine. Say wine, Weewee.
Me: What?! You taught our kid wine?
Chad: Yeah.
Me: You really should not be allowed alone with her. Wine?
Chad: I wanted to check out their wine selection. I was curious, since we saw on Shark Tank that they are the leading buyer of wine.
Me: Ridiculous.

All the wrong things <<< What Chad is teaching Weewee.


The Bergham household is not all that interesting, regardless, thank you for being a fly on our wall. No matter what you celebrate this time of year, I hope your homes are full of love, laughter, joy, and blessings! 

Now, go ahead and buzz around to all the other blogging houses participating in this month's Fly on the Wall home tours!                                Baking In A Tornado                                       Just A Little Nutty                                                  The Momisodes                          Spatulas on Parade                               The Sadder But Wiser Girl                               Follow me home                Stacy Sews and Schools                               Menopausal Mother                                     Battered Hope                                 Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                             Juicebox Confession                                                           Risa Nye                                      Cluttered Genius  


  1. I thing you (or Chad) needs to write a book: How to teach all the wrong things! Hysterical!

  2. Awww Weewee is such a hoot!
    This makes me miss those times when our nutty bunch were little.
    I love that just discovering the wonders of candy canes stage. So precious! <3

  3. You had a very busy month! Reading your words makes me miss having little ones. Especially my little girl, Ugh. I'm glad I can stop by your blog and get my fix on what tiny ones say. Enjoy every minute of it, but put those DumDums on top of the fridge. My now 21 year old, would be all over those! LOL <3

  4. I miss the little ones around and enjoy hearing the stories other mom's share -- but I also love having grandkids -- just don't have the antics on a daily basis.

  5. Man, you've been busy!! How do you do it?!

    Weewee definitely keeps you on your toes!!! LOL

  7. Enjoy the craziness, we all have it. Busy times but be sure to slow down and enjoy the season.

  8. If it makes you feel better, Bigfoot dropped the G--D--- bomb... in church... with his grandparents.

  9. Chad has me cracking up. It all sounds like fun times though :)

  10. all so cute, I remember changing Dino's diapers, he would try to bite my hand for fun...then he became a crazy toddler and I would have to all but lay on him, LOL.

    Dino's said the f bomb and JC a few times...ooops...

  11. Hahahaha, all I can say is uh-oh!
    Weewee, go find me a million dollars as well, here's your wipe ;-)))
    Happy new year J & family!



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