My “Secret Subject” is:
Do you ever lie? If so, does it bother you or do you feel justified?
It was submitted by: http://batteredhope.blogspot.com (Thank you for the fabulous prompt!!)
I think I would be lying, if I said I never lie, but it wouldn't be the biggest lie ever told. The truth is, I hate lying and liars, and I do my very best to never lie. I have been lied to a lot over the years, mostly by the very people who should never lie to me, and it really taught me the consequences of lying. I hate it. So, I avoid it at all costs. People who know me well, often tell me I am too honest. I tend to agree. Sometimes the truth gets me into trouble and uncomfortable situations, but I would rather that than the consequences of lying.
Plus, let's be honest, my memory sucks. I cannot even imagine how hard it would be to keep track of lies. It sounds like a whole lot of work, and I am kinda lazy. I am currently lying to Gigi, and it is hard. I am teaching her about Santa. I was very on the fence. I wanted to tell her the truth, just like my father did, when I was little, but at the same time, I want her to enjoy the magic of Christmas. So, yes, I am lying to her. I am so nervous. I am a horrible liar, another reason I avoid it, and I keep thinking she is going to see right through me. Plus, since I never believed in Santa, and always knew the truth, I am struggling as to how to get to her believe. I am doing my best. It has been an adventure.
I am so very honest, even with Gigi, and that is why at three years old, she already has an idea about death. Not the full-blown negativity of death, but the basic concept. She also knows about cancer. She knows Nana Rosemary has breast cancer, and is fighting a tough battle. She knows Nana Cici has Leukemia, and it also working hard to stay well. For a brief moment, I considered lying to her, but I just couldn't. So, I simplified the truth into words she could understand, and she handled it well.
I am very much a fan of that belief that the truth sets you free. It allows you a freedom, that lies steal away. It enables you to maintain your integrity and to suffer for a shorter time, usually. Yes, sometimes the truth hurts, and its impact is felt for long periods. Even then, I think the truth is best.
I am so very honest, that I live my life hoping people never ask certain questions. I won't lie, and some truths I would rather most people not know. I am very careful with what information I let out into the world, and with whom I share it, but at the end of the day, if asked directly, anyone could get any information from me. I decided long ago, I would not be a liar like a few people in my life. Their lies have hurt me deeply, and I refuse to do the same to others.
So, yes, I lie. Very rarely. Usually about silly things like Santa or the tooth fairy. The majority of the lies I tell, are actually other people's lies, that I am back into a corner, and for their protection, I have to continue on the lie. I hate it. I absolutely HATE it. I do not like to lie, not even about Santa. In recent months, I got caught up into some one's extreme web of lies. I backed up the lies they were telling... partially because I wanted to protect them, and partially because I had been lied to also, and did not realize it. This experience really changed something within me. Going forward, I will not be helping to maintain people's lies. I will be telling them upfront, I will not be part of their lies. It just isn't how I wish to live my life.
I guess what you can really take from this... If I tell you that you are beautiful, look fabulous, your food is delicious, or any other compliment... You can believe it.
What about you? Are your pants on fire?
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:
I agree that truth sets you free. I'm also very honest, usually brutally. It sometimes makes it difficult for those around me, but they never have to doubt my integrity.ReplyDelete
I truly believe there should be a different word for the things we say that are to preserve the joy of childhood or try not to cause others pain. Grouping these in under the umbrella of "lies" just doesn't seem right.ReplyDelete
oooh such a good prompt and post. I lie when it is needed. Such as keeping certain traditions alive for my son, or making my MIL believe the party she is attending is really for someone else and not her surprise party, telling my son the mall is closed for repairs, telling telemarketers that I don't have a phone and I'm not sure how they contacted me.ReplyDelete
Glad you got my prompt and appreciated your thoughts. I like what Karen said about lying as well. I, too, am too honest sometimes and maybe lying would be better? Of course, it is never about anything important. My kids grew up thinking it was a man at the mall dressed up in a red suit who gave out candy canes. Other kids' parents were very angry with me. We all laughed about it -- I just couldn't tell my kids a fat man came down a chimney we did not have and what they received was dependent on how they behaved.ReplyDelete
I think if anyone enjoyed lying there are probably deeper problems at work there. I've known people who seem proud of being brutally honest even to the extent that it hurts others, and take almost some sort of enjoyment out of it, which I deem to be just as bad if not worse than the lie. I think it's a balancing act at times, and lies can come in many forms, lies to protect someone's feelings, lies of omission, lies to cover up a wrongdoing, etc.. Intention seems important in those cases. As far as Santa, he was a real person. We tie in the St. Nick story, myth and magic with the birth of Jesus. It ties in with our faith. I've always felt that kids need magic and mystery in their young lives. They have to grow up too fast nowadays as it is. Great topic and great job with it!ReplyDelete
I am with you, it's too hard to keep track of what lies you told to which people, so I try not to. I consider honesty and integrity very precious values.ReplyDelete
I don't consider Tooth Fairy, Elf on the Shelf and Santa to be "real" lies. They fulfil a purpose. And just because we have never actually seen a tooth fairy doesn't necessarily mean they don't exist? When C asks questions about the elf I tell him I don't know myself, it is just magical to me as well.
Where I am kind of paid to lie is at the office. "Mr so-and-so is currently busy helping another customer, but he'll be happy to call you back as soon as he can." At the very least the "happy part" is usually not true ;-))) But hey, what am I supposed to say "he thinks you're a pain in the a** so he doesn't want to speak to do you now - or ever for that matter, but because you contribute to his salary he'll eventually get back to you???"
I don't have a good enough memory to lie either. I sure a few white lies pass my lips from time to time, but I am generally an honest person.ReplyDelete
I tell a different kind of lie. As an Alz caregiver you learn very quickly that the "little white lie" is your friend. Other than that, I want to be honest, not a liar.ReplyDelete
One of the biggest symptoms I hate about my mental illness is the fact that if backed into a corner by someone trusted I'll tell the stupidest of lies to save face with them. It's the biggest issue I work on with my therapist because I hate it so much, the first moment I get to tell on myself for lying when I'm feeling safe again, I do.ReplyDelete
But, outside of that, I don't think that raising our kids on magic is actually lying to them. It's more like playing pretend and make believing, which is critical to their brain development and teaches them to trust in the unseen which can strengthen their ability to have faith in other unseen things later on in life- like love and God and karma.