I am sure you have seen Mom Wars. You may have even participated in a few. I think Mom Wars are just a common occurrence in our society, not that they should be. Everyone has their own opinions, and everyone feels their opinions are correct. This tends to lead to judgment and often times persecution. Why? Seriously, Why?
That is what we need to be asking ourselves. Why? What purpose does it serve to judge another parent? Do we want to be judged? Nope. We may not let judgments bother us, but obviously we would prefer they not even happen.
Why is one parent better than another? Yes, let's be honest, there are crappy parents in this world. There are also great parents and mediocre parents. At the end of the day, they all love their children. (Yes, some parents may not love their children, but that is a topic for another day... I am referring to the parents that love their children, and are doing their best).
I do not know about you, but I endeavor to be the best parent I am able to be. I know that there will always be parents that are "better" parents than I am. I know there are parents that will be "worse" parents than I am. That is life. I am sure they all love their child(ren), just as much as I love mine.
I was not able to breastfeed Weewee. I was blessed to be able to for two weeks. I was so happy. I was doing what I thought was best for her. Unfortunately, my doctor decided it best that I stop. It was very important for me to go back on my blood thinners, and they were not safe for breastfeeding. My milk would no longer be safe for Weewee.
You guys... it killed me. I was so upset. I was angry at my body for not being able to allow me to safely breastfeed Weewee for as long as I wanted. I cried about it. I was so dreadfully sad. I pumped as much as I possibly could, so she could have as much of my milk as possible. A few weeks later, I even looked into how long the medicine remained in my milk, so I could stop taking it and breastfeed again.
I spent months kicking my own butt, for not being able to live up to the expectations I had for myself. If I am being honest, I am still disappointed. In the end, my goal was to do what was best for Weewee. Yes, breastfeeding would have been wonderful, but it was even more important I stay alive and healthy. That was what was best for her.
During that time of my life, when it came out (through me venting and me asking questions about formula) that I was not going to be breastfeeding, so many moms chastised me. Told me how they would "never, ever put nasty formula in their babies tummies". I was told by multiple moms that I should do "whatever it took" to make certain she was breastfed. All this negativity hurt me to my soul. Made me feel worse than I already did.
These moms were my friends. Some, just random mom group moms. These moms were judging me. These moms were putting me on the defensive. These moms were making me question my worth as a mom. These moms were waging war on myself, and all other moms that chose formula (for whatever reason) for their child(ren).
I am making a #Mommitment, so that I NEVER ever make another mom feel the way those moms made me feel.
I have always been a person that is able to agree to disagree. I fully accept that people will often have opinions that differ from my opinions. That is perfectly fine. Yes, I will stand up for what I believe in, but I won't hate you for doing the same. I think far to often we are willing to stand up strong and loud for what we believe in, and oftentimes we get upset when others do the same. Mostly, because their opinion is different than our own.
If I am being honest, as much I would love for everyone to see things the way I do, that would make for a pretty boring world. Peaceful (most likely) but definitely boring.
What really matters most in parenthood, is loving your child and wanting the very best for them. The reality is, we will all have different ideas of what is best for our own children, and that is okay. It should be okay. As long as our children are safe, it is okay.
Breastfeed. Don't breastfeed. Use cloth diapers. Use disposable diapers. Co-sleep. Don't co-sleep. Be a helicopter parent. Don't be a helicopter parent. Cry it out. Never cry it out. Etc etc etc
I promise, that for as long as I live, as long as you love your child and keep them safe, I will never not ever wage war on you. I will not judge you. I will not talk bad of you to other moms. I will not ridicule you for making different parenting choices than I make.
I must add, that if I see you blatantly risking your child's life, I will rescue them, and make sure the proper authorities speak with you, and do whatever is necessary to secure your child's safety. It is my responsibility as a human being, to make sure everyone around me is safe, and to seek help for anyone in danger. I would hope you would do the same for my child.
We need to stop being so hateful and judgmental. We need to support one another. We need to help build each other up, and stop trying to tear others down. We need to make the world a better place. We need to form a world wide alliance of parents, and quit forming parenting factions that war with one another.
We need to treat others respectfully, just like we would like to be treated. We need to get over ourselves. None of us are perfect. None. Together, we can help each other to be the best parent we can be. Our kids are the future, and they learn from us. We need to make sure we are teaching them all the right things. Acceptance and compassion, those are among the right things.
Chad and I are currently attending baptism classes, for preparation of Weewee being baptized. In class today, we had to write out a list of attributes we want our child to possess. To envision the adult we want to raise our children to be. Then we were encouraged to be a parent that instills those qualities into our children. I want my daughter to grow up to be a mom that will love her children unconditionally and keep them safe. I want her to be a mom that will never war with other moms over a difference in parenting styles.
I really hope that you will join me and make a #Mommitment.
Don't like another parents parenting style? That is okay. There will be parents that don't like your parenting style. We are lucky to be able to choose our friends, and the people we include in our life. Rather than waging a war on another parent, peacefully move on and parent your child(ren). Let them parent their child(ren).
Spread love, not hate. Spread acceptance, not persecution and judgment. The Golden Rule really is a thing of beauty... Do unto others as you would wish them to do unto you. It really is that easy.
Be the parent, you would want your child to be one day, to your grandchildren. Be a parent that will raise your child to be the adult you hope for them to be.
Please, take the time to read Julie's blog post (linked above), and if you would be so kind, sign the petition and make a #Mommitment. We owe it to ourselves, and we owe it to our kids.
I just want to add.... I am not a perfect parent. I know this. I am not even half the parent I want to be. I do love Weewee. I will always love her. I will always be the absolute best mom I am able to be. I will endeavor to raise her to be the best person she can be. I see in her limitless potential, and I will do my very best to help her see it in herself. So, please do not ever think that I think I am perfect, or a better parent than anyone else. I am far from it.
Please feel free to click on the image below, and sign the petition! Together we can end Mom Wars!
LOVE THIS SOOOOOO MUCH!!!! I agree 100%!!! We all do what we need to do to get through to the next day all in one piece. I'm going to do it my way and everyone else will do it their way. No one way is better than another. We all find what works best for our family.ReplyDelete
I agree! I think we are all the best parents we can be, and that our parenting styles evolve, as our kids and lives evolve, but the constant core to our parenting is love. I'm not the parent I thought I would be. I'm the best parent possible under the circumstances life provides. Thank you for reading!Delete
Although I completely agree that we should stop wasting our time and energy judging each other (not just in parenting but in everything), I do not agree that you aren't the best parent. There is no best parent because there is no mold all children are made from. Our children are all different and you are the best parent for your child.ReplyDelete
Karen, I agree. Chad and I were talking about Weewee tonight. I said that she really is the best kid and we're truly blessed. With my physical limits, I couldn't handle a different kid. Chad said that's why God gave me such a sweet, easygoing kid. It ended with me telling him he is lucky I picked him. Otherwise, he may not have ended up with such a perfect kid. LOLDelete
I'm not the parent I want (ed) to be, but I'm the best parent I'm able to be. It would seem, it's the perfect parent for Weewee. She's growing into a great little girl... a bit too quickly.... and I'm proud.
You have me in tears. YES. I can relate to this on SO many levels. Like Karen said, there is no such thing as the perfect parent, but I have tried to live up to that expectation as well.ReplyDelete
We're all doing the very best we can with the tools available to us, and you're rockin' it, Mumma!!
Thank you for making this commitment, and sharing it with such passion.
Together, WE can do ANYTHING. XOXO
Thank you!! We can do so much together. Mom/parents are a powerful force. I pray mom/parent wars end. They're truly senseless. As Karen stated, I too would love an end to the judgmental society (worldwide), that we've become.Delete