Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Friday, December 26, 2014

Green Bay For Life... December 2014 Funny Friday


Today’s post is December’s Funny Friday, a regular feature published on the last Friday of every month. Funny Friday is a collaborative project. Each month one of the participants submits a picture, then we all write five captions or thoughts inspired by that month’s picture. Links to the other bloggers’ posts are below, click on them and see what they’ve come up with. I hope we bring a smile to your face as you start your weekend.


Here’s today’s picture. It was submitted by Stacy Sews and Schools (http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com).


1. Trust me, I do not need to brush my hair. With abs this great, nobody will be focusing on my hair.

2. I'll be trading in these jammies for an actual Green Bay uniform in a few years.

3. The Incredible Hulk has nothing on me. This shirt didn't stand a chance.

4. I may not have the best taste in hair styles, but my taste in football teams is impeccable. 

5. Why did you have to wake me up? I was just about to catch the winning touchdown pass!


I hope I managed to make you giggle, at the very least! I personally loved this pic! Anyone that knows me, knows that I am a die hard Green Bay Packers fan! Green Bay for life! We are, and always will be, the BEST team in the NFL. 

I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!


Click on the links below and let some other bloggers make you smile:

Cluttered Genius (http://www.clutteredgenius.com)
Stacy Sews and Schools (http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com)
Baking In A Tornado (http://www.BakingInATornado.com)
Someone Else’s Genius (http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com)
Confessions of a part-time working mom (http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/)
The Momisodes (http://themomisodes.com)
Sanity Waiting to Happen (http://www.angelaweight.com)
Juicebox Confession (http://www.JuiceboxConfession.com)


Friday, December 19, 2014

Shoo fly, shoo!!! December Fly on the Wall




Welcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. It's a monthly blogging collaboration. Today 14 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house.




~~~~

Weewee has entered into the copycat phase. She will copycat the things we say or do. It blows my mind, to think she will be 18 months old in a few short days. 

One night I had returned to the living room after my shower, and sat down. Chad reached over and squeezed my boob and made a honking noise. Weewee then started grabbing her own chest and honking. 

All the wrong things << What Chad is teaching Weewee.

~~~~

Me (Trying desperately to open the lid on a new container of animal crackers): Arghhhhh!
Chad: Seriously? You can't open them?
Me: No, I am just pretending to struggle.
Chad (taking the container and opening it easily): Here you go.
Me grumpily: Thanks.
Chad: Obviously you loosened it.
Me: Damn right I did! I totally just pretended to be a damsel in distress. I need to stroke your manhood occasionally.
Chad naughtily: Yes, you do. Stroke it.
Me: Oy. You know what I meant!

~~~~

Me: Give Mama a kiss. (Yes, I have to ask/beg for kisses)
Weewee: No.
Me: Gee. Attitude much.
Weewee: Kiss.
(I lean in to kiss her)
Weewee (quickly turns her head and giggles): No.

~~~~

(Chad is on the phone with Embee)
Chad to Embee: What games do you play?
Me (loudly so Embee can hear): She doesn't need to be playing any games. She needs to be doing school work and studying. I need her to get a good job and buy me my house. (My house is this MASSIVELY HUGE house out in the middle of nowhere, not far from here. It is stunningly beautiful and HUGE!)
Chad: No. She doesn't need to study.
Me: Yes, she does. She needs to study, do homework, get great grades, go to college, get a great job, and buy me my house.
Chad (a bit away from the phone, so only I can hear): No. She just needs a Sugar Daddy.
Me: True. Though more like fifteen for a house like mine. Well, or just one really good one.

All the wrong things<<< What Chad is teaching Embee.

~~~~

Me as I am taking my meds that Chad just reminded me to take: You know, you obviously don't want me dead. If you did, you would quit reminding me to take my pills.
Chad: You would be so easy to kill.
Me: Not too easy. I would be difficult to lift up to hang from the almond tree.
Chad: I have moved on from the almond orchard idea.
Me: Oh?
Chad: I could just quit reminding you to take your pills, or I could just bring a huge spider into the house.
Me: True. I would definitely die.
Chad: Yep. Heart attack. The spider would be gone before they came, and nobody would ever know. They would just think you had a heart attack.
Me: True. Death by spider though, that would be horrible. 
Chad: It would work though.
Me: That is probably how I will die one day. Some evil spider will scare me to death. Ugh.

(Side note... We really have no idea why I am so terrified of spiders. I have tried therapy and everything. Nothing works to relieve the fear. I recently read that your birthmarks are markers for where you had a deathly wounds in your past lives. I have a small one on my ear. I bet it was a spider bite from some evil spider, and that is the root of my fear!)

~~~~

I recently was laying on the couch, watching a movie with Weewee, and watching her play. I had my arm out. She walked over, turned around, and fell backwards onto my arm. Her very first trust fall. She trusts me. In that moment, my heart exploded.

~~~~

Weewee is very independent and very social. We have been working on her holding our hands while we walk. We have finally made some advancement in the area, though if you aren't going at the pace she wants, or in the direction she wants, she will let go and try to go her own way.

We were recently at Grammy's for a visit, when I reached out my hand and said "Let's go see Grammy!".

She took my hand. Walked all the way into Grammy's room, with a smile on her face, never letting go. It was great. 

Then of course she chose to follow Grammy's friend out, and had no desire to follow me.

Baby steps.

~~~~

We recently discovered, while at the Christmas parade, that Weewee likes candy canes. A few of the floats were handing them out, and she loved the one we let her try. So, a few days later, Chad bought Weewee a pack of candy canes. She gets quite sticky, but her happiness is worth it.

Chad (handing Weewee a wipe): Wipe your hands and mouth.
Weewee takes the wipe and cleans her hands and mouth.
Chad: You listen so well. Now, go find me a million dollars.
Weewee wipes her face some more and looks at him like "huh?".

~~~~

(This one is being included, because Chad insisted.)

I was resting in the living room. We recently have opened the kitchen up to Weewee. It is now in her territory. 
I was playing Candy Crush.
Then I hear...
Chad: You are such a sneaky sneak.
Weewee giggling.
Me: What did she do?
Chad: Got into the Dum Dums and helped herself to one. 
Weewee comes in and gets on the couch, smiling the most proud smile ever.
Me: Well, the lid should have been closed.
Chad: It was. She can open it now.
Me: The world is ending.

(After Halloween, we bought a HUGE bucket of 1000 Dum Dum lollipops on clearance. They are the perfect size for Weewee to have an occasional treat. Though, now that can apparently be whenever she is able to sneak one. Which means, only on Dad's watch. LOL)

~~~~

Weewee had a short period where she started picking up her own toys. On her own. Without being asked. Plus, she did a half decent job putting them where they go.
As I am watching her do this: Houston, we are not in Kansas anymore.
She looks at me: Hoosoonn. Hooosooon. Hooosooon.
Then she giggled.
Then I giggled.

~~~~

Chad took Embee and Weewee and went to Starbucks to get me an iced coffee. He then dropped something off to a friend. Our friend lives not far from Starbucks. I told him I would let him know, if our friend said then was a good time for him to drop it off. Our friend texted that it was a good time, and I called Chad and told him. I finished up washing some dishes and sat down on the couch. I thought to myself, perfect time to relax in peaceful quiet for few. About 70 seconds later, they all walked in the door.

Chad hands me my coffee.
Me: That was fast.
Chad: I guess.
Me: No line at Starbucks?
Chad: A small one.

Me: Did you go to Danette's.
Chad: Yeah.
Me: You dropped it off that quickly?
Chad: Yeah, we even chatted for a bit.

Embee: Yeah. 
Chad: Embee, even told Danette I cried during the movie.
Me: Haha.
Embee: What? He cried.
Chad: Yeah. I'll show up at your school in pajamas and visit in your classroom. See how you like embarrassment.
Embee: What?! NO!
Me: Yeah. I'll go. In jammies.
Chad and I laugh.
Me: I still cannot believe you guys did all that and made it home so quickly.
Embee: We aren't as slow as you.
Me: Touche.

~~~~

Weewee has this knack for doing things she knows she is not supposed to be doing. While doing them, she will either look at you, watching to see your reaction, or she will repeat no while doing it.

She was recently reaching up and holding onto the string on the living room blinds, and staring at me.

Me: What are you doing?
Weewee smiles sweetly.
Me: What do you think I am going to say?
Weewee: Shit.
Me: Wait. What?!

(So, she has definitely said shit a few times recently. By a few, I mean a lot. We know she is saying something. Just not completely sure what. For the first two days that she said shoe, it came out as shit. Luckily, it turned to a much better pronounced shoe on the third day. We now think she is trying to say seat and it is coming out shit. So, I am on a mission to teach her chair rather than seat!)

~~~~

One of my favorite times, and least favorite, is bedtime. On the nights she fights sleep horribly, I kinda hate it. Most nights, we just lay there and relax and cuddle. Maybe chat a bit. Mostly just bond.

Recently, we were laying there and we were really enjoying the peace of each other's company.

Weewee pokes my boob.
I chuckle.
Weewee pinches my boob.
Me: You will have your own someday. Then, you will be far less interested in them. 
Weewee pokes my boob.
Me: Do you like my boobs? You did when you were little. You loved them. Well, maybe you just liked my milk. You know, I am sorry I could not let you breastfeed for longer. My doctors just did not think it was a good thing. If it were up to me, you would still be sucking on Mama's boobs. I would just let you suck Mama's boobs all day. Well, at least while you were hungry.
Weewee punches my boob.
Me: Hey! Be nice! Be nice to them, be nice like you were when you were little.
Weewee: Shuck boob. Shuck boob. Mama shuck boob.
Me: Oh dear. This is going to embarrass me in public soon, isn't it!?

~~~~

During a diaper change.

Weewee: Ut oh.
Me: No parent wants to hear ut oh during a diaper change. Nor when you are 16 and you snuck a pregnancy test home to take secretly. There will be no ut oh pregnancy tests! Understood? Though, I will love you through it, but don't make me have to.
Weewee just stares at me.
Me: I am so glad we had this talk.

~~~~

Remember how I said Weewee repeats things? Well, when I am using expressions, I really need to make sure not to use ones that include words she knows.

Me in reaction to the outside of my cup of iced coffee: Geez. This cup is sweatier than a bear's balls.

Weewee must have walked around saying "bear balls" for twenty minutes, while carrying her bear and playing with her bouncy balls.

Another embarrassing public moment in the making.

~~~~

The other night, Chad went to Costco for gas and to pick up a cheesecake. I have been craving cheesecake for two years, and I decided it was time for me to indulge.

After he walked in the door.

Chad: Weewee, tell Mama your new word.
Me excitedly: New word?!
Chad: Yeah.
Me a little less excited: Wait. I missed a new word. I wasn't there. Weewee, tell Mama your new word.
Chad: Say it.
Me: Well? What is it?
Chad: Wine. Say wine, Weewee.
Me: What?! You taught our kid wine?
Chad: Yeah.
Me: You really should not be allowed alone with her. Wine?
Chad: I wanted to check out their wine selection. I was curious, since we saw on Shark Tank that they are the leading buyer of wine.
Me: Ridiculous.

All the wrong things <<< What Chad is teaching Weewee.

~~~~

The Bergham household is not all that interesting, regardless, thank you for being a fly on our wall. No matter what you celebrate this time of year, I hope your homes are full of love, laughter, joy, and blessings! 



Now, go ahead and buzz around to all the other blogging houses participating in this month's Fly on the Wall home tours! 


http://www.BakingInATornado.com                                Baking In A Tornado
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                       Just A Little Nutty
http://themomisodes.com                                                  The Momisodes
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                               The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://followmehome.shellybean.com                               Follow me home
http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                Stacy Sews and Schools
http://www.menopausalmom.com/                               Menopausal Mother
http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                                     Battered Hope
http://dinoheromommy.com/                                 Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://www.JuiceboxConfession.com                             Juicebox Confession
http://www.risanye.com                                                           Risa Nye
http://www.clutteredgenius.com                                      Cluttered Genius  









Friday, December 12, 2014

Nothing is forever.... December 2014 Use Your Words

Today’s post is a writing challenge, that I participate in monthly. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a blog post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.




My words are: blue vase ~ washer ~ broom ~ chicken ~ butterfly ~ pumpkin
They were submitted by: http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.
Thank you for these challenging, wonderful words!


As I stand here with the broom, sweeping by the washer and dryer, a chard of blue glass comes out from beneath the washer.

I am instantly brought back to that day.
The day we ate curry chicken and pumpkin pie in the kitchen.
The day you told me you loved me for the first time and gave me a bouquet of sunflowers in a blue vase.
It was a beautiful vase.
Royal blue with a family of butterflies flying around the base.
My favorite butterfly was the small yellow one.
Over the years, each time I would use the vase, I would always make note of the yellow butterfly and how perfect its wings were.
Perfect.
Just like you.
Perfect like the day you gave me the flowers.
Perfect like the years that followed.
In hindsight, I should have known it would end.
Nothing lasts forever, except maybe eternity.
Now you are gone. 
The vase is broken, just like our happy home.
Our love extinguished.
Our eternity over before it really began.
I should have known.
Nothing is forever.


Thank you for taking the time to read this! I appreciate all my readers! I have several posts coming up, including a new blog challenge, that I will be participating in for the very first time.

Do not forget to visit the Bergham's on Facebook!
The Bergham Chronicles on Facebook!

You can also find me on Pinterest!
The Bergham Chronicles on Pinterest!

In case you missed it... I recently contributed to a holiday story, with several other bloggers! We have done a FABULOUS job, if I do say so. Be sure to check it out!
Part One of the collaborative holiday story!



Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                                     Baking In A Tornado
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                               Spatulas on Parade
http://followmehome.shellybean.com                                    Follow me home
http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                                          Battered Hope
http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                    Stacy Sews and Schools
http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com                                Evil Joy Speaks 
http://www.JuiceboxConfession.com                                  Juicebox Confession
http://eileensperpetuallybusy.wordpress.com/             Eileen’s Perpetually Busy 
http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/         Confessions of a part-time working mom
http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/                                    Sparkly Poetic Weirdo           






Friday, December 5, 2014

MPD1F4L December 2014 Secret Subject Swap

Welcome to December's Secret Subject Swap. The last one of 2014. That is so amazing to me. It feels like we were just posting the first one of 2014, and now we are soon to be posting the first one for 2015. It has been a great year of blog challenges. I hope you have enjoyed reading them all, as much as I have enjoyed writing them. This week, 12 brave bloggers submitted a secret subject for someone else to write about and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and publishing our posts. 


My fabulous “Secret Subject” is:
Your celebrity crush sent you a Christmas/Hanukkah gift. What did he/she send you? How do you react? Do you return the favor?
It was submitted by:  http://dinoheromommy.com/  
<<Thank you for submitting such a great subject!!>>


I am not one to have celebrity crushes. I haven't had a genuine crush on a celebrity in years. I find certain celebrities to be attractive. I just don't have that "Oh I want to marry/date/have sex with" feelings. I did when I was younger, but I haven't in years. I guess giving up on celebrity crushes was part of growing up for me. 

I have also discovered that my opinion on which celebrities are attractive, does not necessarily mirror that of the popular opinion. For example, Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling and Chris Hemsworth... I do not understand the hype. Not even a little bit. I might be the only one that does not understand the hype. 

My first celebrity crush was Patrick Swayze. I am 31 and I still have a crush on him. When he died, I cried like a baby. From the moment I first saw him, right up until the last time I saw him, I definitely had a crush on him. He was so extremely handsome, and I loved his voice.

My second celebrity crush was LL Cool J. He is another one, that still to this day, I find him so crush worthy. I love watching him NCIS: LA. Anyone else love the show? I will admit, I watched it for the first time, simply to see him. Plus, since it was associated with NCIS, I assumed it was most likely going to be a fabulous show.

Now, anyone that knows me, probably read this subject and immediately had an idea of which celebrity I was going to pick. Any guesses? You are probably correct.

I definitely pick Matt Damon. Absolutely without a doubt, Matt Damon. Matthew Paige Damon. Jason Bourne. Linus Caldwell. Will Hunting. Colin Sullivan. John Grady Cole. Whatever you wish to call him, he is definitely my choice.








I may or may not have been obsessed with him during high school. It is definitely possible. Okay, yes, I definitely was obsessed. In many ways, I still am. Second only to Chad, Matt is most definitely the most gorgeous man alive. His beauty in inside and outside, which increases the beauty infinitely. 

Not only is he highly intelligent, talented, funny, and gorgeous, but he has a heart of gold. His charitable work is endearing and admirable. He genuinely cares about his fellow human beings and this world. He is one of the people that will definitely leave the world better than he found it at birth. He is just amazingly wonderful.

I could go on for days as to how fabulous he is, but I will spare you. I will say, it  is entirely possible to say that I have a crush on him. It just isn't your typical crush. I do not want to date or marry him. I never really wanted him in that manner. What I have always wanted is to be his secondary best friend. I want to have intellectual conversations and hang out. I want to give Ben a run for his money at being Matt's BFF. I think that being able to spend time with him, would be fabulous. 

Now that the who is established, let's move onto the what. That is a great question. It is hard to decide what he would send. I would think that it would be an excellent gift. He does have a sense of humor, so it could possibly be a funny gift. He and Ben have given/received some interesting gifts over the years, including a gigantic potato. I would like to think he would not give me a potato. 

In my mind, he would give me an all expenses paid vacation to Boston, for Chad and Weewee and I. We would get to spend plenty of time with him and his family. I would get to ask him the five billion questions I've accumulated over the years. We would have fun, and he would show me Boston through his eyes. An added benefit would be getting to see my friends and family. Yay! It would truly be an amazing gift. I want so badly to see my loved ones, and have them meet my daughter. 

I am poor, so returning the favor would not be an option. I would most definitely give him a thank you gift. I am not entirely sure what it would be. Definitely something thoughtful. Possibly a poem or piece of art. Something created with my hands and heart. 

As for how would I react? Let's face it, the moment I realized Matt Damon not only knew I existed, but was giving me a gift, I would die. Haha! I am joking, I think. There would certainly be some screaming and crying. I would be overwhelmed and grateful. Excited probably isn't accurate. I would be excited times infinity. Joyful and giddy. Yes, I would most certainly make a fool of myself. 

This was such a fun subject for me. I am grateful to have been assigned this subject. I hope you all enjoyed my post. 

How about you.... Who is your celebrity crush?! What gift would you like to receive from them?! What gift would you like to gift them?!

Thank you for taking the time to read my post! Do yourself a favor and visit all the other fantastic blogs featuring this month's Secret Subject Swap, and thank me later! 

I will see you next year, for our next Secret Subject swap!!! 



Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  See you there:


http://www.BakingInATornado.com                                  Baking In A Tornado
http://themomisodes.com                                                     The Momisodes
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                              Spatulas on Parade
http://dinoheromommy.com/                                     Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                     Stacy Sews and Schools
 http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com                                Evil Joy Speaks
http://www.JuiceboxConfession.com                                   Juicebox Confession
http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/                  Confessions of a part-time working mom
http://www.silenceofthemom.blogspot.com                        Silence of the Mom
http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/                                       Sparkly Poetic Weirdo
http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com                                           Climaxed


****Note: I titled this post "MPD1F4L". This is something I came up with when I was 14. I always wanted it to be my license plate, when I grew up. It is still a possibility. I really think I may just do it. It stands for.... Matthew Paige Damon's #1 Fan 4(for) Life.****